Saturday, July 18, 2015


Well, that's another week over. I just tried logging into this blog on my tablet, as I seem to use it a lot lately, especially in the morning. Although most of the work is leisure, e.g. facebook, games, etc I was interested in being able to blog mobile.  However, as with everything in life, it is not that easy and the logging in failed with an error about virgin media my ISP provider.   Doing a google search, other engines are available but not as good or memorable, I saw the error was commonplace and unsolveable. Luckily, the PC entry method still works but involves extra steps and not always do I want to fire up the beast.

While doing this I took time to review the previous posts and for the most part they are quite intellegently written and I am surprised I was an elloquent blogger with a fairly rounded view on topics of the current news.  Some of those themes persist to this day, which is not surprising, for example, bad drivers, taxes, the government and all.

Today I reflect on a lot of things, mostly the fact that I'm financially knackered, again.  I spent a huge amount in the last year chasing my dream of being married to my Thai wife, most of which I earnt and saved up since 2009. 

The journey's not ended, as far as the goal of living together in married bliss, because the immigration system is so biased against relationships where one person is from a non-EU country.  Many people have said to me, now that you are married, is your wife coming to live here with you?  The short answer is NO, not without a lot of effort and cash, mostly going to HM government.

I believe the path I followed could have been different but for the knowledge I have accumulated on the journey.  There are a lot of cultural differences to understand and would seem very strange to you if I told you everything.  I have yet to differentiate the ways to be either cultural or to be just my lady and family.  Sure, similarities exist throughout the culture and my new family, which I am aware of from conversations with couples we have met and the couple who introduced us. 

Notwithstanding, on a good day, I am happy as the preverbial larry.  On others, I am in deep depression about what I chose to do and the ungrateful aspects of the relationship that appears one-sided.  A lot of people do this dating thing successfully and some do not. There are documented cases of foreigners being fleeced, and of couples blissfully in love.  Our friends whom are local in the sense of where we are in the UK and where the ladies originate in Thailand, have been quite useful for both of us.  For her, to talk all things Thai, and for me to discover what I am going through (OR indeed will need to), is similar to current experiences for them.  They are a long way ahead on the immigration routemarch and have been invaluable in terms of advice and guidance.

Many have said, family included, why go to Thailand to find someone.  To be perfectly blunt, apart from the fact that I am 54 and mildly disabled, I have yet to meet people here who are willing to date me for me aside putting the previous two aspects in the mix.  I've done all things to help myself find someone e.g. dating websites, not trying too hard to look, asking around, etcetera, but to no avail.  Most people who would be compatible are not available, not interested, or have kids (I am not averse to children or having my own but didn't want to be in a relationship that involved them).

Given the obvious things about Western men having a wealthy lifestyle, something Thai's don't have but want, they are less discriminating and willing to accept the differences.  Certainly, people my own age do not excite or inspire me.  My Thai lady is 13 years younger and I could easily have chosen an even younger lady to date, but I didn't.  I wanted someone I can be with every day and see the reason I wanted to be with her every time I looked.  I wanted someone who will take care of and commit to me wholeheartedly forever to create a loving and lasting relationship. For my part, I want to take care of someone who will appreciate the old values, lost in the West during female emancipation.  That's  not saying I want a slave, because that's just ridiculous.  In more ways, it's the old style family values that appealed to me more than anything.

The other main driving force was about the materialistic motives. The ladies from the Eastern Europe regions more often gave me the impression they were primarily interested in money and status.  This is a very big assumption I know and certainly not without exceptions.

My initial thoughts were the Thai's are predominantly Buddhist.  One of the 5 precepts is disregarding material wealth and evidenced by the majority who live in modest means with very little.  I was drawn to this because I was sure that any lady I dated would be more interested in me than in what my bank account held.  I also have an empathic view to Buddhism, and this reflects in the work I do teaching qigong.

Of course there are exceptions. I know of one Thai lady living here in the UK who thinks more of the £1,000 handbag than anything else and is looking for a "very rich" man who can buy her things such as that. The man she dated and whom paid to bring her to the UK, is no longer around. Subsequently, she's had a few dates but is alone at the moment.  I can see why when she talks like that.

The Thai culture is an anomaly because the West is infiltrating it with the things I class as corrupting such as fast food and materialistic views (e.g wanting the latest curved TV).  Shops in the cities reflect this, with Burger bars and electrical superstores offering the consumer everything.  I do wonder how the people can afford it, considering the comparatively small wages.  As Westerners, we're considerably better off (although I would not agree as I spent on average £2-3,000 each trip, on purely frivolous stuff.  5,000 baht, equating to £100, did not last long, for example one trip to the nightclub was 6,000 baht.  This amount was on average, a weekly wage for workers). 

I am considering teaching English, for which the monthly salary is 28-35,000 baht. This is thought to be a good to great wage and because English teachers are in demand, this is the reason it is so good.  I could supplement this with private work, and make even more money.  But do I want to substitute full time here for the same in Thailand?

Certainly the lifestyle would be better, along with the weather / heat. It might be good for my back and help me get around. I know from my brief times in Thailand, I always felt better and more mobile. I believe the trips contributed to me losing the walker (mobility aid) from everyday use; something I relied upon for a long time even in the house.

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